Baby Steps of a Muslimah

Bismillah

Assalamualaikum

It has been a while. What have I been up to now?

Alhamdulillah, I have been accepted to be a teacher (muallimah) at a school, to teach maths and science to primary 4 – 6. With it, comes cubaan, pasal apa jua hidup ani mun nada mehnah (ujian), kan Allah ada mention in one of his surah, ‘Adakah kamu mengaku beriman, jika kamu tak di uji?’ and dlm Al-Baqarah:286, ‘la yukallifullah hu nafsan illa usaha’, Allah tidak membebankan seseorang lebih dari apa yg ia mampu.

Masa mengajar ani, terasa apa yang dalam diri tani yg tani tau menyasakkan bagas cigu tani, ada dalam diri student tani.  Tani nda buat homework/assignment/report dan yg sewaktu dengannya… rupanya sasak cigu/lecturer tani dgn perangai tani atu… tani payah kan faham, rupanya sasak bisdurang tepaksa explain balik2.

Ada lagi jenis student mulut laser, in other words, krajanya kan membawa kelahi cigu. Huhu, contoh, my student ani, on my first day at work.

‘Boys, girls, please tell me your names,’ I said.

‘Anna’ answered a girl timidly.

‘Louder,’ I said.

‘Anna’ she said again.

‘Louder’, I said. ‘I can’t hear you’

Udah atu, ada tia, penyibuk dlm kelas becakap, ‘tuli kali cigu ani’

Huhu, ouch. Rupanya ada jua jenis student yg krajanya membawa kelahi cigu. Huhu.

Huhu, asif jiddan sahabat, diri ani tarus tia curhat sama muhasabah di sini.

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Artikel yang dikopi pasta dari iluvislam.com, moga bermanfaat untuk semua.

Perbanyakkanlah berfikir, renung penuh bererti.. Bagaimana bakal kehidupanmu sewaktu mengadap Tuhan Rabbul ’Izzati..? Selamatkah dirimu di hari yang tiada pelindung melainkanNya? Akan beratkah amal yang akan engkau bawa?

Justeru, renungkanlah duhai diri yang lemah. Agar kehidupanmu di dunia sentiasa waspada..

Semoga, akan hadir dalam hatimu jiwa yang sensitif dengan dosa. Merasakan dosa itu besar sekalipun pada kesilapan sekecil zarah. Ketahuilah.. itulah antara ciri-ciri mereka yang aqrab dengan tuhanNya. Yang punya Ihsan dalam hatinya. Merasa kehadiran Allah dalam setiap sentuhan masa yang ada.. sekalipun mata tidak melihat, tetapi hati menyakini Allah Maha Mlihat.

Untuk apa perlu dirisaukan, aduhai hati yang rawan.. sebuah kehilangan itu hanya secebis dugaan.. dari Tuhan sekalian alam.. Hilang bukan bererti tamatnya sebuah kehidupan, tetapi dengan kehilangan itulah darjatmu ditinggikan. Hairan? Mengapa perlu dihairankan, Allah itu Maha berkuasa, zat yang sempurna penuh keagungan. Lupakah duhai hati, Allah telah berjanji dalam kalamNya Izzati..

”Adakah kamu mengaku beriman, sedangkan kamu belum diuji?”

Maka, hadapilah ujian dengan sejuta kesabaran. Percayalah, yakinlah sepenuh hatimu..

Hanyasanya Allah bersama-sama mereka yang sabar.

Aduhai hati yang penuh kesedihan.. Mengapa perlu ditangisi sebuah perpisahan? Bukankah semua kita akan pergi.. pulang kepangkuan Tuhan. Dialah yang menjadikan.. Dan padaNya jua segalanya akan dikembalikan. Lupakah engkau, hidup di dunia ini sekadar persinggahan. Yang kekal hanyalah amalan sebagai teman. Itulah teman dalam perjalanan menuju sebuah keabadian..

Maka, janganlah engkau lalaikan hatimu dengan kehidupan yang sementara ini. Janganlah engkau tangisi lagi sebuah perpisahan sementara.. akan tetapi, hadapkanlah wajahmu sentiasa kepada Allah.. Penuhkanlah jiwa dan hatimu dengan dzikrullah memuji kebesaranNya. Juga sibukkanlah hari-harimu dengan amalan makruf nahi mungkar, mengikut sunnah kekasihNya.

Yakinlah, barangsiapa yang dihatinya ada Allah, dan mengutamakan Allah atas segala apa yang dilakukannya, Allah akan seiringkan pekerjaannya dengan pertolonganNya. Bekerja keraslah engkau untuk hari esokmu yang abadi. Berbekallah dengan amalan yang menguntungkanmu di sana nanti. Ingatlah, sebaik-baik bekalan adalah taqwa.

Duhai diri yang lemah.. Kembalikanlah hatimu kepada Rab.. Kerana Dia lah pemilik segala yang engkau miliki.. Segalanya hanya pinjaman untuk menguji. Kentalkanlah semangat juangmu. Jadilah seperti syaidatina Aisyah, puterinya Syaidina Abu Bakar..

Walau fitnah mencalar maruah, Dia tetap Aisyah! Walau rumahtangganya di landa badai anggkara si munafiq durjana, tetap teguh pendiriannya, menggunung tawakalnya. Pada Allah dia berdoa, mengharap furqan agar tenggelam segala nista. Insafilah duhai diri yang lemah, Allah sengaja menguji sekeping hati yang kecil.. sebagai tukaran untuk mendapatkan habuan yang lebih besar kelak.

Maka bersyukurlah.. bersyukurlah.. bersyukurlah kerana engkau insan terpilih.

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Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum

A thousand apologies to readers of this blog (if there are any) for the lack of updates, but let me just convey a happy Aidiladha to all the muslims in the world.

It was a sombre aidiladha in Brunei (at least for my family) as grandma (and a couple of uncles and aunties) was off to Miri for aidiladha celebration with our extended family in Miri, and this is the first aidiladha when grandpa was no longer around.

Aidiladha is a celebration to remind us of nabi Ibrahim’s willingness to sacrifice his son Ismail to Allah, and nabi Ismail’s willingness to be sacrificed for Allah, also Siti Hajar (nabi Ibrahim’s wife and nabi Ismail’s mother)’s willingness to sacrifice her son for Allah. Their sacrifice is to show their devotion and love for Allah, as nabi Ibrahim is also known as khalilullah.

For us, ladies, Siti Hajar is one of the women that we should strive to be. Just imagine, after she gave birth to Ismail, Allah commanded nabi Ibrahim to leave her and her son at a barren land. It was said that she asked her husband why he left them there, and he did not answer her. The third time she asked, she asked if it is Allah’s command, and nabi Ibrahim answered, ‘Yes’, and immediately she answered, ‘Leave us, Allah will always be with us’. Put ourselves in Siti Hajar’s shoes, would we be able to let our husbands leave us at a barren land?

In a quest for water for her child’s sustenance, she ran from mount Safa and mount Marwan seven times in search of water, and after that seven times, water gushed out from the area near Ismail’s feet (which became Zam Zam water well now) and Makkah developed after that. For remembrance in her quest for water, Haj pilgrims have to run from Safa to Marwan 7 times in a tradition called Sa’I.

Then, when Ismail was old enough to help his father, Allah has commanded Ibrahim to sacrifice his son for Allah. Hajar was willing for her husband to sacrifice their son for Allah (Ismail was then exchanged with a sacrifice in the form of a big animal). Mothers (and would be mothers, insyaAllah), would you willing to sacrifice your sons and daughters for Allah?

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Bismilllahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah! Convocation went well on Saturday. I was very nervous, especially when I was on the first four rows (immediately behind the persons who are getting their Master’s), but everything went well, smiled at HM and remembered to thank HM, and then off I went back to my seat.

Words cannot describe what it feels to hold that undergraduate degree cert in my hands.  I just felt so content and happy. Thank you, Allah, for making it come true.

Thanks to my parents, who supported me all through the years I spent as a student, thanks to the government of Brunei who sponsored my study in UBD, thanks to my lecturers who graciously shared with me their ilmu, and most of all, thanks to all my friends who were there during the ups and downs, who listened to my rants, my complaints and offered their shoulders for me to cry on.

The bachelor’s degree is just a small step, there’s quite a lot of steps in front of me. The learning process never stops, there are ilmu for ukhrawi that I need to attain as well.

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Assalamualaikum

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Decided to go to ubd library today, to pick up some books, not that I can borrow them, but I can read them in the library itself.

The morning air in ubd is nice, unpolluted, and very very cool. It almost reminded me of the morning air in Merimbun or Bukit Patoi or the air at 5am in the morning when I had to pass by a deserted gadong and kiulap for my bird practical. Sigh… I miss the field.

With the air like this, I feel blessed to be in Brunei, where there’s very little pollution during the early mornings, especially here at the foyer of the ubd library, where cars are scarce, since it is still 7.47am in the morning (classes start at eight am, and the nearest parking lot from the library is five to ten minutes walk away), alhamdulillah.

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Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum

I don’t know about you, but there are times when I feel kerdil, you know, not kerdil as in dwarf kerdil or pendek, but kerdil as in damit (again not in terms of height or body stature), but kerdil as in betapa kerdilnya tani when compared to Allah.

Manusia mudah lalai, and perasan we are all that, when we are not all that. We aren’t. We are kerdil.

This is how I feel when searching through the net, liat the researches that has been done by others. Though they are professors and expert in their field, but when I saw their research list, macam I felt my research atu, insignificant (it’s actually not insignificant, by the way), it’s just that, I felt so kerdil when I compare what I did to what they did.

Atu baru duniawi, and udahtah duniawi, baru in the realm of science, alum lagi when compared to the scholars in islam who has done so much…

Alum lagi compared to what has nabi did for us… ya Allah, lagi rasa kerdil… all his pengorabanan for his ummah

Alum lagi compared to what Allah has given us… from the skills we acquire, to the food we eat on the table to just about everything, including the air we breathe and the beating of our heart…

“maka nikmat tuhanmu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?” (Ar-rahman:13)

So do you agree now that we are kerdil?

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Assalamualaikum

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Alhamdulillah, today marked the 24th year of my life in dunya. Syukur, kana bagi lakat kesempatan to do amal ma’ruf nahi munkar. This birthday marks the second year of my baby steps to becoming a better muslimah.

Mikin tua, mikin akhirat dekat. Mikin tua, umur makin betambah, and mikin umur betambah ada yang cakap dosa makin betambah (naudzubillah), but yang penting, dunia semakin meninggalkan tani, and akhirat mengejar tani.

For the past 22 years, I have been selfish, doa untuk sendiri saja or untuk parents saja, or untuk family saja. But this year, I want to doa for the ummah.

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Assalamualaikum

Sedih berabis rasanya when I found out that my ‘cuti’ falls on the last 10 days of Ramadhan. Huhu, frustrated. But apa boleh buat, bukan rezeki…

Speaking of rezeki, heard a rumor that the scholarship people got interviewed already, and I have yet to get a phonecall from them. It’s ok if bukan my rezeki, at least I tried. It’s not as if I didn’t try, and assume saja, but I did try.

, smile. It’s ok. I did all four, doa – recited a lot of doa and performed as much solat duha and hajat as I could, usaha – did all the applications and asked questions regarding scholarship, ikhlas – my reason for wanting to further study is not just because lapas master gaji basar, but because of Allah, and lastly tawakkal – just leave everything to Allah, after all, He is the best planner.

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Assalamualaikum

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

A lot of things have happened for the past couple of days (weeks?). Received a notification that I received a place to study overseas (alhamdulillah), so now waiting for scholarship results, met a few friends, made new friendships , and so and so forth.

(Oh, and plus my really adorable nephew, annoying but adorable, hehe)

On another note, alhamdulillah, I’m on my way to finish the Quran this Ramadhan, though I have this teeny tiny request to any of my readers out there.

What do you think of having an online tadarus? Each of my readers read 1 juzu’ from Juzu’ 1 to Juzu’ 30. Leave a comment if you are interested…

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Assalamualaikum

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

ANDAI INI RAMADHAN YANG TERAKHIR

andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu siangnya engkau sibuk berzikir
tentu engkau tak akan jemu melagukan syair rindu
mendayu..merayu. ..kepada- NYA Tuhan yang satu
andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu sholatmu kau kerjakan di awal waktu
sholat yang dikerjakan.. .sungguh khusyuk lagi tawadhu’
tubuh dan qalbu…bersatu memperhamba diri
menghadap Rabbul Jalil… menangisi kecurangan janji
“innasolati wanusuki wamahyaya wamamati lillahirabbil ‘alamin”
[sesungguhnya solatku, ibadahku, hidupku, dan matiku...
kuserahkan hanya kepada Allah Tuhan seru sekalian alam]

andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tidak akan kau sia siakan walau sesaat yang berlalu
setiap masa tak akan dibiarkan begitu saja
di setiap kesempatan juga masa yang terluang
alunan Al-Quran bakal kau dendang…bakal kau syairkan

andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu malammu engkau sibukkan dengan
bertarawih.. .berqiamullail. ..bertahajjud. ..
mengadu…merintih. ..meminta belas kasih
“sesungguhnya aku tidak layak untuk ke syurga-MU
tapi…aku juga tidak sanggup untuk ke neraka-MU”

andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu dirimu tak akan melupakan mereka yang tersayang
mari kita meriahkan Ramadhan
kita buru…kita cari…suatu malam idaman
yang lebih baik dari seribu bulan

andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu engkau bakal menyediakan batin dan zahir
mempersiap diri…rohani dan jasmani
menanti-nanti jemputan Izrail
di kiri dan kanan …lorong-lorong redha Ar-Rahman

Duhai Ilahi….
andai ini Ramadhan terakhir buat kami
jadikanlah ia Ramadhan paling berarti…paling berseri…
menerangi kegelapan hati kami
menyeru ke jalan menuju ridho serta kasih sayangMu Ya Ilahi
semoga bakal mewarnai kehidupan kami di sana nanti

Namun teman…
tak akan ada manusia yang bakal mengetahui
apakah Ramadhan ini merupakan yang terakhir kali bagi dirinya
yang mampu bagi seorang hamba itu hanyalah
berusaha…bersedia …meminta belas-NYA

wahai tuhan ku tak layak kesyurgamu … namun tak pula aku sanggup ke Nerakamu … kami lah hamba yang mengharap belas darimu “ya allah jadikan lah kami hamba2 mu yang bertaqwa..ampunkan dosa2 kami kedua ibubapa kami .dosa semua umat2 islam yang masih hidup mahupun yang telah meninggal dunia” Amin…..

andai benar ini Ramadhan terakhir buat saya

MAAFKAN SEMUA KESALAHAN YANG PERNAH SAYA LAKUKAN

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