Baby Steps of a Muslimah

Assalamualaikum

Happy news this way comes, . I’m very much in love with Ramadhan.

It has been a blessing 7 days. Terawih every night, tadarus every afternoon, and tilawah with the kids every morning (if there is tilawah in their time table).

“Apabila datangnya Ramadhan akan dibuka pintu-pintu syurga, dan ditutup pintu-pintu neraka, dan dibelenggu syaitan-syaitan”. (Hadith riwayat al-Bukhari (4/97), Muslim (1079). Taken from here.

Even the kids are not so bad, at this time of the year, discipline-wise.

There are a few exceptions, though, as these kids are fasting and as they are not used to fasting (especially year 1 pupils), tempers are hard to control (though as a teacher, you remind them ‘masa puasa inda boleh marah – marah, kurang pahala’), and when the year 4 pupils start to bash each other, not literally but more along the lines of ”A, ko ani, tuli banar’ says H’, you say ‘jangan doakan yang bukan-bukan masa bulan puasa. Kamu berpuasa, itah nya nabi, doa orang yang berpuasa dimakbulkan doanya’.

My work is piling up, but I’m not complaining, .

Another thing on the list: Training three pupils to sing a Maher Zain song. I’m not telling which song, c’est un secret!

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Salam

Yesterday, I had an asthma attack. Actually, I’ve had it for nearly three days already, but perhaps due to my own stubbornness, I refuse to go to the hospital to get treatment. But, yesterday, I said to myself, ok, I’m going to the Accidents & Emergency Department.

The nurse called me, asked my symptoms, why I went to AED, and I replied, with a shaky breath, ‘ampus’ or in English, asthma. She immediately hooked me up on salbutamol on the nebulizer.

Huhu, the last time I was on the nebulizer was when I was 5 or maybe 6. It was painful, but I need it to breathe properly. I’m not sure how long I was on the nebulizer, but I did miss my turn to see the doctor. When I did finally see the doctor, he prescribed me prednisolone (which the doctor at the Health Centre should have prescribed when I met her just that morning), and a new dose of salbutamol inhaler (as I have used up mine).

This incident totally remind me to muhasabah diri. Allah has covered the sins, by not revealing it to others, so in order for me to really taubat is for Him to cleanse me of those sins that He has covered, I need some sort of illness as kafarah for all the bad things I did. Terasa banar lah yg Allah tagur atu.

Again, this is minute compared to what Gaza people are suffering right now. Totally minute. The aid that was going to be sent has not arrived. I may have asthma, but at the same time, I can just grab the blue inhaler (salbutamol) prescribed by the doctor for immediate relief, or if it’s not sufficient, drive myself to the nearest AED to get salbutamol via the nebulizer. The asthma sufferrers (if there are any) in Gaza do not have such luxury.

So, let’s all take a stand and boycott Israeli products and products that are produced by companies that fund Israel. If you cannot boycott 100%, at least try to boycott maybe 70% or 50% or 30%, after all,

sa’atan fa sa’atan

step by step, sedikit demi sedikit.

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Salam

These few days at work has really been taxing me physically, mentally and emotionally.

“Sesiapa yang Allah mahukan dirinya berada dalam kebaikan, diujinya dia itu dengan kesusahan.” (Hadis Riwayat al-Bukhari dan Muslim)

So, insyaAllah, these taxing few days, are a blessing in disguise.

Badan ngalih.

Kepala sakit.

Emosi inda betantu.

But it’s all gonna be worth it, insyaAllah.

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Salam

Aku mengingat kembali pada hari pertama aku mengenakan tudung seperti yang dinyatakan dalam surah An-Nur ayat 31

“Katakanlah kepada wanita yang beriman: “Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangan mereka, dan memelihara kemaluan mereka, dan janganlah mereka menampakkan perhiasan mereka kecuali yang (biasa) nampak daripadanya. Dan hendaklah mereka menutupkan kain tudung ke dada mereka…” (Surah an-Nur, ayat 31).

Itu hari yang bersejarah dalam hidupku, dimana aku mengenali islam semula setelah beberapa tahun meninggalkannya . Pada hari itu juga, perjuanganku untuk mengatakan sayonara kepada jahilliyah bermula.

Walaupun sudah dekat dua tahun aku berada dijalan ini, ‘perang’ ku dengan jahilliyah yang masih tersisa dalam diriku masih berterusan, membuang sesuatu benda yang sudah sebati dengan diri kita bukannya sesuatu yang senang, ianya satu proses yang agak lama, tetapi alhamdulillah, ada juga certain jahilliyah dimana aku sudah betul – betul bisa mengatakan sayonara padanya.

Aku bertanya pada diriku tadi, apakah yang membuat aku kekadang lalai? Setentunya kerana bekas – bekas jahilliyah yang tersisa!

Terima kasih pada yang telah mengingatkan ku tentang ini, walaupun dari peringatanmu itulah aku terasa macam diriku ditampar dengan begitu kuat sekali, tetapi aku memang perlu tamparan itu untuk bangun dari ‘lena’ ku ini.

Kerana aku sama sekali tidak mahu Allah menggantikanku dengan orang lain untuk jalanNya ini!

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Assalamualaikum

Hati ini memang sudah lama mahu menulis, dan meluahkan curhat disini, tetapi Allah tidak mengizinkannya. Alhamdulillah, kali ini, sampai masa untuk curhat disini.

What have I been doing this past few months? Or what have I not been doing this past few months?

I guess I do not need to answer that question. Aku tahu apa yang aku buat dan Allah tahu apa yang aku buat.

Terkadang terasa lemah untuk meneruskan perjuangan ini, terkadang terasa diri ini tak mampu.

Pernah sekali, aku rasa sedih, aku rasa down, aku rasa terrible yang teramat dalam.

Aku tahan hatiku dari menangis, aku cakap pada diriku sendiri, ‘Sabar Amy, korbankan saja perasaan itu’

Aku pun membelek fail ku…

Alangkah gembiranya hatiku, bila kakak tu menulis,

‘Semoga diberi kekuatan untuk mendidik anak-anak islam,’

Bulan Mac sudah berlalu pergi, kini tiba bulan April…

Ada sesuatu yang ku tunggu bulan ini… biarlah ianya menjadi rahsia dulu…

Perkara yang ku tunggu bulan ini akan mentest setinggi mana level tawakkal ku kepada Sang Pencipta, Yang Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Memberi Rezeki…

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Bismilllahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum

Alhamdulillah! Convocation went well on Saturday. I was very nervous, especially when I was on the first four rows (immediately behind the persons who are getting their Master’s), but everything went well, smiled at HM and remembered to thank HM, and then off I went back to my seat.

Words cannot describe what it feels to hold that undergraduate degree cert in my hands.  I just felt so content and happy. Thank you, Allah, for making it come true.

Thanks to my parents, who supported me all through the years I spent as a student, thanks to the government of Brunei who sponsored my study in UBD, thanks to my lecturers who graciously shared with me their ilmu, and most of all, thanks to all my friends who were there during the ups and downs, who listened to my rants, my complaints and offered their shoulders for me to cry on.

The bachelor’s degree is just a small step, there’s quite a lot of steps in front of me. The learning process never stops, there are ilmu for ukhrawi that I need to attain as well.

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Assalamualaikum

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Alhamdulillah, today marked the 24th year of my life in dunya. Syukur, kana bagi lakat kesempatan to do amal ma’ruf nahi munkar. This birthday marks the second year of my baby steps to becoming a better muslimah.

Mikin tua, mikin akhirat dekat. Mikin tua, umur makin betambah, and mikin umur betambah ada yang cakap dosa makin betambah (naudzubillah), but yang penting, dunia semakin meninggalkan tani, and akhirat mengejar tani.

For the past 22 years, I have been selfish, doa untuk sendiri saja or untuk parents saja, or untuk family saja. But this year, I want to doa for the ummah.

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Assalamualaikum

Speaking of rezeki, heard a rumor that the scholarship people got interviewed already, and I have yet to get a phonecall from them. It’s ok if bukan my rezeki, at least I tried. It’s not as if I didn’t try, and assume saja, but I did try.

, smile. It’s ok. I did all four, doa – recited a lot of doa and performed as much solat duha and hajat as I could, usaha – did all the applications and asked questions regarding scholarship, ikhlas – my reason for wanting to further study is not just because lapas master gaji basar, but because of Allah, and lastly tawakkal – just leave everything to Allah, after all, He is the best planner.

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Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum

Today is a very long day, indeed. I felt like dropping off to sleep, though, I don’t have a habit of sleeping after Asar, tend to avoid it.

Ramadhan is nearing, and I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait to be able to wake up at wee hours in the morning to have sahur with the family, I couldn’t wait to be able to break fast (sungkai) at maghrib with the family, I couldn’t wait to go to the masjid (or my uncle’s house) to solat tarawih, I couldn’t wait to do as much solat sunat as possible, as the benefit of solat sunat equals to that of a solat fardu in Ramadhan.

I’m more excited about Ramadhan than I am on raya. There’s just a lot of benefits that Ramadhan has that the other months don’t have, one of them is the fact that syaitan will be ‘handcuffed’ during Ramadhan to stop them from trying to lure the muslims from doing bad deeds, which means, the only thing that we are fighting against is our own nafs. Jihad an-nafs, one of the hardest war that we have.

Less than a week from now is Ramadhan, I hope I manage to meet Ramadhan.

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Assalamualaikum

InsyaAllah, this blog will be up and running soon, as soon as I can find a way to import my entries from the now defunct blog. However, this will be the primary blog of Amy Heidi, insyaAllah.

Amy Heidi

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