Baby Steps of a Muslimah

Salam

The hardest thing to do when wanting to become a better person is fighting your own inner demons.

It’s even harder when you are alone, literally.

Ya Allah, please grant me easiness to get through this test of Yours. Amin.

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Salam

Yesterday, I had an asthma attack. Actually, I’ve had it for nearly three days already, but perhaps due to my own stubbornness, I refuse to go to the hospital to get treatment. But, yesterday, I said to myself, ok, I’m going to the Accidents & Emergency Department.

The nurse called me, asked my symptoms, why I went to AED, and I replied, with a shaky breath, ‘ampus’ or in English, asthma. She immediately hooked me up on salbutamol on the nebulizer.

Huhu, the last time I was on the nebulizer was when I was 5 or maybe 6. It was painful, but I need it to breathe properly. I’m not sure how long I was on the nebulizer, but I did miss my turn to see the doctor. When I did finally see the doctor, he prescribed me prednisolone (which the doctor at the Health Centre should have prescribed when I met her just that morning), and a new dose of salbutamol inhaler (as I have used up mine).

This incident totally remind me to muhasabah diri. Allah has covered the sins, by not revealing it to others, so in order for me to really taubat is for Him to cleanse me of those sins that He has covered, I need some sort of illness as kafarah for all the bad things I did. Terasa banar lah yg Allah tagur atu.

Again, this is minute compared to what Gaza people are suffering right now. Totally minute. The aid that was going to be sent has not arrived. I may have asthma, but at the same time, I can just grab the blue inhaler (salbutamol) prescribed by the doctor for immediate relief, or if it’s not sufficient, drive myself to the nearest AED to get salbutamol via the nebulizer. The asthma sufferrers (if there are any) in Gaza do not have such luxury.

So, let’s all take a stand and boycott Israeli products and products that are produced by companies that fund Israel. If you cannot boycott 100%, at least try to boycott maybe 70% or 50% or 30%, after all,

sa’atan fa sa’atan

step by step, sedikit demi sedikit.

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Salam

Aku mengingat kembali pada hari pertama aku mengenakan tudung seperti yang dinyatakan dalam surah An-Nur ayat 31

“Katakanlah kepada wanita yang beriman: “Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangan mereka, dan memelihara kemaluan mereka, dan janganlah mereka menampakkan perhiasan mereka kecuali yang (biasa) nampak daripadanya. Dan hendaklah mereka menutupkan kain tudung ke dada mereka…” (Surah an-Nur, ayat 31).

Itu hari yang bersejarah dalam hidupku, dimana aku mengenali islam semula setelah beberapa tahun meninggalkannya . Pada hari itu juga, perjuanganku untuk mengatakan sayonara kepada jahilliyah bermula.

Walaupun sudah dekat dua tahun aku berada dijalan ini, ‘perang’ ku dengan jahilliyah yang masih tersisa dalam diriku masih berterusan, membuang sesuatu benda yang sudah sebati dengan diri kita bukannya sesuatu yang senang, ianya satu proses yang agak lama, tetapi alhamdulillah, ada juga certain jahilliyah dimana aku sudah betul – betul bisa mengatakan sayonara padanya.

Aku bertanya pada diriku tadi, apakah yang membuat aku kekadang lalai? Setentunya kerana bekas – bekas jahilliyah yang tersisa!

Terima kasih pada yang telah mengingatkan ku tentang ini, walaupun dari peringatanmu itulah aku terasa macam diriku ditampar dengan begitu kuat sekali, tetapi aku memang perlu tamparan itu untuk bangun dari ‘lena’ ku ini.

Kerana aku sama sekali tidak mahu Allah menggantikanku dengan orang lain untuk jalanNya ini!

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Bismillah

Assalamualaikum

It has been a while. What have I been up to now?

Alhamdulillah, I have been accepted to be a teacher (muallimah) at a school, to teach maths and science to primary 4 – 6. With it, comes cubaan, pasal apa jua hidup ani mun nada mehnah (ujian), kan Allah ada mention in one of his surah, ‘Adakah kamu mengaku beriman, jika kamu tak di uji?’ and dlm Al-Baqarah:286, ‘la yukallifullah hu nafsan illa usaha’, Allah tidak membebankan seseorang lebih dari apa yg ia mampu.

Masa mengajar ani, terasa apa yang dalam diri tani yg tani tau menyasakkan bagas cigu tani, ada dalam diri student tani.  Tani nda buat homework/assignment/report dan yg sewaktu dengannya… rupanya sasak cigu/lecturer tani dgn perangai tani atu… tani payah kan faham, rupanya sasak bisdurang tepaksa explain balik2.

Ada lagi jenis student mulut laser, in other words, krajanya kan membawa kelahi cigu. Huhu, contoh, my student ani, on my first day at work.

‘Boys, girls, please tell me your names,’ I said.

‘Anna’ answered a girl timidly.

‘Louder,’ I said.

‘Anna’ she said again.

‘Louder’, I said. ‘I can’t hear you’

Udah atu, ada tia, penyibuk dlm kelas becakap, ‘tuli kali cigu ani’

Huhu, ouch. Rupanya ada jua jenis student yg krajanya membawa kelahi cigu. Huhu.

Huhu, asif jiddan sahabat, diri ani tarus tia curhat sama muhasabah di sini.

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